1. 21:48 27th Jul 2014

    Notes: 4

    Am I allowed to cry if the wifi doesn’t work?

     
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    Off on my first adult lady business trip.

    Off on my first adult lady business trip.

     
  4. Saw Patti Stanger at PF Changs today and ran through the airport in wedges.

    So yeah, I’m feeling pretty good.

     
  5. I’m going on a business trip to Memphis and my mother had taken it upon herself to play every song that mentions Memphis.

     
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    #thisisbeautiful #butimgladidontlivehere (at The Getty Museum, Los Angeles)

    #thisisbeautiful #butimgladidontlivehere (at The Getty Museum, Los Angeles)

     
  7. I’m spending the weekend in California, so obviously I packed all my darkest colors.

     
  8. perkymcbadsuit:

    Damn girl. Way to be on that level.

     
  9. image: Download

    I’m really proud of myself for taking a break from my career to date.

    I’m really proud of myself for taking a break from my career to date.

     
  10. image: Download

    I am the problem.

    I am the problem.

     
  11. 10:41 21st Jul 2014

    Notes: 6

    Am I the worst?

    Someone was telling me that the are attending a “Gatsby” party and I asked them are they going as more of a Daisy, Jordan, or Myrtle, knowing that they haven’t read the book.

     
  12. 23:45 20th Jul 2014

    Notes: 32

    Reblogged from funkymbtifiction

    Tags: whoops

    funkymbtifiction:

    Introverted Sensing (Si): The narrator is a traditional man spun out of orbit by total boredom. He is doing exactly what society expects him to do, but it brings him no happiness. He is practical. He turns up to work on time, and does the exact same thing day after day, from buying furniture…

     
  13. Family thoughts, part 2

    I uncovered a little more today and I cried really hard about it.

    I’ve grown up hearing stories from my dad about how his mother’s family grew up dirt poor, literally in a shack with a dirt floor in South Dakota, and how her maiden name was a different spelling of whore.

    Almost of the men in her family were drunks and abusive. All of the women married men who were. One of my great aunts revealed that her mother was adopted and then leased out to a bank as a prostitute, while the family collected monthly checks.

    My aunt (who I posted about last night) is a bit older than my dad and she received the brunt of awfulness from her mother. She told me today that she would taunt and tease her. I know, based on what my dad has told me, that she constantly put her down and made her feel terrible about herself.

    Yet, she is very defensive of her mother and seeks to be very involved in her mother’s family. While my father is the exact opposite.

    It’s interesting to understand my family from these polarizing sides. My intention in going to this family reunion was to be more aware of where I come from to have a deeper understand myself. I don’t know if that occurred, but I have tremendous respect for my aunt and father for choosing to break the cycle of abuse and raise my siblings and cousins differently.

     
  14. Family thoughts, part 1

    I think, no know, that one of the reasons why I’ve never felt comfortable or like I could be myself in California was due to my weight.

    It’s as if that state constantly challenges your self esteem.

    I remember at age 12 being encouraged to go on a diet by my parents. And I can’t remember a time where my parents also weren’t dieting. I also observed this in other extended parts of the family.

    I see this especially with my aunt.

    Ever since I could remember, she was dieting or saying self-deprecating things about her weight. (I understand some of where this comes from and I’ll explain in another post.)

    I’ve spent the last two days with her, my uncle, and grandfather. I’ve watched how ordering the correct food has taken over her life. She tells me it’s for health reasons, but the only results she talks about are losing weight and wanting to loose more. The program she is on sounds cultish. Conferences at resorts that make a certain kind of food, books, rigid guidelines, and various merchandise.

    It’s easy to get sucked back into all of that. I realize that I don’t think about it too much, except when I’m spending time around that part of my family. It’s as if I get scared that my accomplishments don’t measure up because I weigh more than the other women in my family. (God, it feels good to get that out.)

    I do realize that I need to eat foods that make me feel better and just be all around more responsible about what I put into my body. But I don’t want to agonize myself over it or feel so restricted that I can’t enjoy some fucking cake or pizza.

    I know that some of this has to do with the limited funds (sometimes all you can afford is pancakes for dinner 3 nights in a row) I’ve had this last year and a half. But I also know, and yes I got this from The Mindy Project, the only downside of being a woman who can make her own decisions is that you have to make good ones.

    I’ve made a lot of good decisions in my life and I need to start adding take care of myself to the list.

     
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    Eastern Washington, you do alright.

    Eastern Washington, you do alright.